integrity vs. addiction

As an Anesthetist I get a wide range of medical questions, not just those involving anesthesia. I’m not complainin’, I’m just sayin’. Don’t get me wrong I’m cool with it…because most of the time the people that are asking are my family, friends, or patients…and I am happy to answer anything I can. The questions usually center around a surgery or chronic illness of someone or their family member. Maybe something they are afraid to ask their doctor directly or just something that they’ve been saving to ask him/her on their next visit in 2 months. So I look at it, generally, as an opportunity to share honestly, and “without harm”, to someone. In other words, I tell them what I know IN COMBINATION with what I think (perception/view/judgement), if that is even relavent. Depending on the person and situation the last part may be very open or a little more tapered back or “vanilla”.

So here’s my take on Michael Jackson’s death via an anesthetic drug, Propofol, and his addiction, from an Anesthetist in recovery (and not so vanilla, I might add). This post comes from the “many” questions I have been fielding lately at work and out and about. My insight may not be that unique from others, but I believe, my experience in this profession, along with knowing something about my disease of addiction, and possibly how it affects others too is what’s motivating me to rant like this. My path of recovery seems to act as a light to reveal not just my disease to me, but in others to. I say that with confidence and humility, not arrogance and pride. Those close to me know this is true. So you get where I’m coming from? I hope so!

I have never been asked by more patients what Propofol is… or “the medicine Michael took”, than I have since his death. The brutal honesty of it is the medicine didn’t kill him. Propofol is an induction agent for general anesthesia. It does have a history of addiction, but it is unknown what component of the medicine is addictive. Many an anesthetist/anesthesiologist has died due to abuse of such a potent medication. Most deadly situations are due to overdose related to self administration. The facts in Michael’s story are that he was given the medicine and an overdose occured…either related directly or indirectly due to Propofol. This is what pisses me off probably the most. This is what I do for a living. Anesthesia is a medical science, that takes into account not just how 1 drug works, but many in tantum. My job gets a lot harder when a patient comes in telling me about ALL the pharmaceuticals they are on and I am to give medicines that render them unconscious…while at the same time maintaining hemodynamic stability.  I don’t get what was going on in that doctors mind. Seriously, I do this everyday and Michael would be a challenge, yet alone doing all this at his home.

Dr. Conrad Murray, a cardiologist, internal medicine specialist, was Michael’s doctor. It appears the guy (and others) did more harm than good and the outcome proves it…death. More and more info is coming out and if you haven’t put together that MJ was an addict, than you will…very soon. All the script meds this guy was on is freakin amazing. He probably has been dodging death for years and years. This doctors integrity and professionalism was bought for $150,000 a month to sign prescriptions, manage MJ’s healthcare, and sadly enable MJ’s chronic and deadly disease of addiction to the point of “killing” him. And again, it wasn’t just him. MJ’s family, collegues, friends, AND healthcare professionals all played their “deadly” part.

Micheal had no business using a mainly hospital based medicine that is used primarily for surgery and secondarily for heavy sedation, in someone’s makeshift hospital room, located in their house. RNs are not even allowed to administer this medicine via titration, yet alone a MD that manages patient care with little hands on experience. The RN that worked for MJ refused to give it…and good for her…STRONG WORK…that is some integrity. She doesn’t get off the hook totally because she has a “part” too. I wonder what she was payed to “enable”. I guess she had a price. I wonder if I do.

That, for me is the key, ie, “teaching tool” of this whole thing. When left to my own will (an addict’s will), God is pushed aside and my disease will run the show…and everyone close to me is fair game to destruction as well. My integrity is destroyed first and others’ follow. That is just how addiction works…and the result is ALWAYS, jails, institutions, or death. 

I got meme’d

Paul just tagged me with a meme.

Rules: Once you are tagged, link back to the person who tagged you. Post the rules on your blog. Post 7 random or weird facts about yourself on your blog. Tag 7 people and link to them. Comment on their blog to let them know they have been tagged.

So, here is goes:
1. I totaled 2 cars my 1st year of driving. Yes folks, I AM the reason single males between the ages of 16-24 have to pay out their nose for car insurance. I will say this mainly because it is true, hindsight is 20/20, and that it can’t happen to me (only my kids) - The legal age of driving should be raised to 18 years of age.

2. My little toe doesn’t quite touch the floor (that falls under the category of “weird fact”). Sorry no pictures…you’re just going to have to believe me.

3. “I”, Jeff Pope, have been on Grey’s Anatomy. They didn’t ask permission, but hey, that’s cool.

4. I love ALL roller coasters. I have never met a roller coaster I haven’t liked. Pearlie (see below – don’t be fooled by the facial expression, she actually loved this ride) is a little more picky. We purposely choose theme parks with cool roller coasters…otherwise their crossed off the list. This picture was on SheiKra at Busch Gardens, Tampa and was taken in 2003.

     

5. My sister is the reason I am a nurse today. In 1990, I was in between majors and wanting to change to something that could just get me out of school and start making a living. So, my sister heard me moaning and groaning about it one day and suggested I take some nursing classes. My sister was a strong student and the instructors loved her so I was able to get a late (it helped that I had 2 years already of undergrad and alot of core sciences out of the way) entrance in to Volunteer State Community College’s (VSCC) A.S. degree RN program. Here is a picture of me graduating with my A.S. Allied Health degree at Southern College in 1990 just prior to entering nursing school 2 months later.

I graduated from VSCC/Tennessee State University in 1992 with my A.S. in Nursing. Dad and Jason by my side.

I went into critical care nursing right out of school and worked for 7 years in the ICU. In 1999 I finished my Bachelor of Science in Nursing at Austin Peay State University in preparation to continue on into anesthesia school. Dad, mom, Pearlie, and my sister Charlene join me in Clarksville for my graduation.

1999-2001 I attended Middle Tennessee School of Anesthesia and completed a Master of Science with a focus in Nurse Anesthesia degree  and still enjoy nursing today….Thanks again, Charlene!!! Pearlie and I enjoy the last of my 4 graduations.

6. I have met a Nobel Prize in Medicine winner. In 1996, when Pearlie and I were in Seattle, Wa. for her bone marrow transplantation, Dr. E. Donnall Thomas came by the center and Pearlie and I got to meet him. It was very cool to actually meet the man whose research, in leukemia and bone marrow transplants, helped save Pearlie’s life.

7.   Pearlie and I, despite never living in either city, both grew up liking and rooting for the St. Louis Cardinals in baseball and Pittsburgh Steelers in football. It was a match meant to be and blessed by the “sports gods”.

Ok…so now I tag you….you….and you!!!

I like to skip.

Friday I realized something. I like to skip. You know – run and hop – like you did when you were a kid…at least I did it as a kid. I don’t ever remember skipping as a child when I was in a bad mood or was upset about something. So here I am finding myself doing this skipping thing more lately. We have a long hallway at Southern Hills Medical Center that is seen in my Nurse Anesthesia video that  I have been known to skip up and/or down on occasion. People will say stuff like, “were you just skipping?” or “why are you skipping?” Initially, I didn’t realize I was doing it. I just knew it got me from point A to point B quickly – turns out it really is an effective way to move. But now, I know when I’m doing it and I like it, so therefore I do it more often. People don’t comment on it as much any more. They just smile and say something like, “Jeff’s skipping again”, or “Jeff, must be in a good mood…he’s skipping.” And that brings me to yesterday…I was talking to God, releasing some potential resentments, and asking Him, “Where could I be of service?” all at the same time to collectively ease my frustration I was feeling at the moment. I prayed and I prayed. No expectation…just faith. God will find a way to show His plan if I just get out of the way and BE OF SERVICE. Now folks, as I’m alive and breathing, that is not something I have had a lot of experience with. Oh, yeah, I’ve given the lip service to God. And yes, things have “worked out” after I’ve handed them over to God, but not like this day. This day was different. So here I was getting out of my truck and heading into the hospital, after the last 15 minutes of letting it go via prayer, I found myself feel the urge. Yes…the urge that I remembered as a kid. No lie, I felt light as feather and ahead of me was yards and yards of smooth sidewalk….PERFECT FOR SKIPPING. I would love to show you a picture of my freedom filled moment that was God’s gift to me as a reminder of my youth and the passion of a little boy to play, have fun, and living life with a smile on his face. But sorry, it’s really hard to take a self portrait while skipping and I didn’t think to look for someone to ask. There I was, a kid again, and I felt it….really!! It was so cool. I skipped and I skipped all the way down that sidewalk until I hit the back entrance door. I walked in free of my resentment. Free of my frustration and “whatever” that had tried to mess with my serenity and peace. I was able to serve where I was needed and be cool with it all. That is really ALL I’ve ever wanted…to just be cool with it all. What a blessing. What a gift it is…to SKIP. Try it sometime and see how it feels. I bet you already know.

niece and nephew
Addie Reese & Braden Zapp

Happy Nurse Anesthetist Week!!!

I love what I do. Nurse Anesthesia Week was my excuse to put together this video…of course on VIMEO. Just a few things you might not have known about the profession of a Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetist (CRNA).

1. The profession of Nurse Anesthesia is over 125 years old.

2. CRNAs administer over 70% of the 30 million anesthetics delivered in the U.S. each year.

3. CRNAs are Advanced Practice Nurses who have obtained a Master’s Degree of Science or Nursing with a focus in Nurse Anesthesia.

4. Our professional association is the AANA.

5. One of the best CRNA programs in the nation is right here in Middle Tennessee.

6. We are NOT ANESTHESIOLOGISTS, nor do we want to be, so don’t call me a doctor.

So the next time you go in for surgery or have that epidural placed for your baby’s arrival, say “Hi” for me to your Nurse Anesthetist….he might not know me though….that’s cool, we’re all pretty friendly like that!!!