Love in Estes Park (2009)

Jason and Shannon's Wedding 5/16/2009

I came across this collage today as I was organizing some photos. It’s one of my most favorite moments of my life. Blessed!

“Daaaadddddyyyyy, you can’t look with your ears.”

Mateo

Here is an exchange I had with Mateo today:
Mateo: “Hey Daddy, look, watch this, it’s funny.”
Me: (Tuned out…sorta, remember I’m an adult I’m good at that).
Mateo: “Daddy, look, I want to show you.”
Me: (not looking at him, I answer) “OK, cool, show me.”
Mateo: “Daaaddddyyyy, you can’t look with your ears.”

Damn, he got me. He’s good!

Michael…

Wow, it’s hard to believe it’s been only 2 years since Michael Jackson’s death.
I blogged about Integrity vs. Addiction a couple months after his death. That blog was more focused on the lack of integrity by Dr. Conrad and the addiction of Michael. The 2 combined ended up deadly for MJ.

What a troubled guy he probably was…more than we will probably ever know.

I’ll miss his talent. Here’s a little something I found that keeps his memory a little more active.

I hope YOU “chip your tooth”.

I love the “I Am Second” videos.

I first blogged about this series when I saw Josh Hamilton’s video, back in April, 2009. Anyone that opens up and shares their struggles and pain with honesty and humility is so inspiring to me. God digs it and I do too. There is something so strong about shedding our “societal cloak” and getting to our brokenness. I think that is what brings people together. I couldn’t help but feel like I’ve known Michelle for all my life. Turns out it’s because her story is mine, and that is where the connection comes. God is big enough, but I’ve got to let Him out of “the box”, my brain/childhood beliefs/”feelings” puts Him in, to see and experience His hugeness.

Have a wonderful Sunday.

STOP…LOOK…and LISTEN

November 2009 - Radnor Lake

This next week I’m on vacation. We had originally planned a summer road trip, for this next week, that has become a tradition for us since we got the kids. Southern California was the planned destination, but with make-up training needing to be done as well as protect our bank account, we decided to STOP and reevaluate. Stopping is not the easiest thing for me. I’m like most folks and pretty much continue doing stuff even when I think or say that I’m not. Even writing this blog is doing something. It’s not really stopping. But comparatively it is, I guess. With two 3 year olds and living in the wonderful state of Colorado, “stuff” is always around to do. I’m not sure if this was the case for me as a kid or during my parent’s life, at my age. Money, opportunity, and society’s pull have changed over the years, and it’s obvious I’ve been affected. It is a slow change and unnoticeable during the change, but super obvious in times of honest reflection.

I noticed yesterday as I saw Mateo and Kaia walking next to each other on the sidewalk, that they are growing. Mateo is stretching out his Guatemalan born frame and looks like such a little boy. Kaia is such a pretty girl and less like my little 2 week old baby that I met years ago. Pearlie and I are changing too. I LOOK at old pictures and see the young couple that almost 19 years ago had no idea what this journey would look like in 2011. I don’t see changes unless I look, and I forget that to really look and see, I’ve got to stop first and “focus” on what I’m looking at. This applies to ALL areas of my life not just the physical changes of my family, but the emotional and spiritual “appearance” of each member too. My job and the daily activities of life happen quick. I probably catch and see maybe 60-70% on a good day. This is not a revelation to me. I have built in ways of refocusing my attention to the things I value. This is a daily process for me. But like many best laid plans, some days are better than others. Thank God for meetings and the 12 Steps of recovery.

I hear my kids playing in their rooms right now. “Pretend” in all it’s many forms, and subjects, seems to be the playtime theme of choice lately. They are so verbal and smart. This summer we went to Disney for Pearlie to run in the Princess 1/2 Marathon, with a friend. Her family came too and we all had fun enjoying the race and fun of Disney. When we got home, my kids played for weeks, “Jim and Teggin”, our friends. They were the “daddy and mommy” and play acted the whole family structure. It was hilarious. I ask my kids, “are you listening?”, as a way to test if they are hearing me. I think a lot of times they hear when they want to and when we don’t want them too. Since starting on this parenting journey, I’ve started to remember some of my own childhood, as I experience young life again through my kid’s eyes. They LISTEN to a lot. I did. That’s how I found out I was adopted (another blog for another day). They instinctively know that part of growing and learning is listening. They get quiet, they tune in, and then soak in. Whether good or bad, kid’s listen. I sometimes confuse that they are not, with just their test of independence and boundary challenging. They have not yet learned the “value” of tuning out, like I have. Pearlie tests this on me all the time. She says I’ve got that life skill down good. It’s interesting that she uses a time, during a sporting event, on TV, to do it though . To listen to ALL the “things” around me, not just people, takes active thought and followed through action. I can’t listen unless I stop my current thing that I think is important, and look at the person, situation, or inspiration directly. Slowing down doesn’t work, I’ve found, because 100mph to 80mph IS still defined as “slowing down”, and that’s usually what I do. Doing it differently and changing will take some time and effort, but I’ve got a week and a few days, right?

It could be very likely that I STOP…DROP…and ROLL by the end of next week, but I hope not. Peace!

It was a Happy Father’s Day indeed…

Father's Day + Baseball = Great Memories - Father's Day 2011

Happy Father’s Day to all the Dad’s out there…whoever and wherever you are.

The family and I headed out to a Colorado Rockies game today. Mateo and I representing with our Cardinal gear. Dad, well, he’s become a local…and cheers for the Rockies. Living in either N.C. or TN. neither one of us had a team until in my early teenage years, when I started cheering loudly for my beloved Cardinals. Dad, has just been a baseball fan, in general. He used to take me to minor league games growing up in Nashville and that’s really where the fever hit. Now, Mateo and Kaia are set. My brainwashing and programing them to be true RED Cardinals fans is all part of parenting right? If when they are 18 and/or have moved out…THEN, they can cheer for whatever team they wish, but not until then .

Seriously, this is my 3rd Father’s Day and my Dad’s 50th (I have an older sister), and they just keep getting better. I forgot to ask Dad today how he felt compared to number 1-3, but I know, as I see him with my kids, the joy has just started all over again. Their smiles and my love for them is just a perfect mixture of joy that I can’t match to anything. Baseball is such a Dad sport too, so it was just fitting today that we spend it at the ballpark.

Enjoying a Rockies game with Daddy's girl - Father's Day 2011

What a blessing it is to enjoy my family and kids today and be honored by them and thanked by them for just being me…a guy that can’t help but love them and in a large sense was made to love them. It’s become easier and now fun to sit and enjoy moments of time with them, because soon they will be gone. Because, despite looking at a picture, just like you are right now, as I write, the moment has passed and the memory is now set. The picture/video is not the same as the experience that it reflects. God blessed my life by His perfect timing, because fortunately I learned to not let these times pass without feeling them wholly. It’s taken practice but now, being present is more on than off. I’m sure I miss a lot, but I catch more, I think, because I won’t take for granted the best gift I’ve been given…FATHERHOOD.